Thank you for calling 4-5 hours a full work day. Honestly, people in “regular jobs” probably don’t have more daily productivity in them anyway.
I quit corporate life nine years ago to work independently after countless burnouts. Then came menopause and complete loss of direction, followed by ADD evaluation and diagnosis at age 58. It’s never too late.
It's never too late indeed! And the whole 8 hour thing is such a farce. My partner works from home officially 8 hours a day but I see what it REALLY is and how much flexibility and coffee there is within that ;) Sounds like you've been through a multi-layered, complex journey - thank you for sharing.
Valuable insights, thankyou. Making rent can be the pressure that undoes it all, and even though I am communicating this on this highly literate platform, if one doesn't get through a university degree one most often remains a juggler of low paid work, no matter their multipotecy. A patchwork of piecemeal paid work under highly physically demanding conditions with low social status and no future outlook for " progression " becomes an accumulation of burdens and burnout that nobody should be expected to be able to turnaround alone. Please, everybody, can we not forget about the lower classes and the barriers to living well with neurodivergence that are structural. Can we not ONLY personalise and individualise our capacity to live well but also continue to recognise the class barriers that are as brutal as normie conditioning?
This is a wonderful piece that I will share. Thanks again. 👍🙂
Absolutely re the pressure to make rent - I am so fortunate to have circumstances such as living in a country where I can get support with my rent due to my disabilities. And the gig economy is SO hard on us. I couldn't agree more about including the societal aspects in any discussion of these issues. It is NOT an individual "problem". Thank you for reading, engaging and sharing!
God I can see so much of me in your words, Morgana, thank you. This is *such* a validating and useful read - I’ve noted down a few things to help me. The multiple projects situation is really getting me at the moment, especially when I have v little energy and I’m struggling executive function wise. It feels cruel to have a brain that needs a lot going on but also doesn’t know how to manage things that are running parallel to one another! x
I have ADHD (I have some traits of ASD, like sensory issues, but those are common in folks with ADHD too so who knows), and I am LIVING by timers.
One of my worst issues is time blindness. I will think I have been at a task for hours, when really, 20 minutes has gone by. But if I do something fun like painting or playing a video game, 20 minutes feels like two seconds.
I set a timer now on my phone for 20 minutes. This is for shit I hate like folding laundry, cleaning bathrooms, etc. My rule is that I have to do the task until the timer goes off. Let me tell you, that was ILLUMINATING. The other day, I was putting clothes away (one of my most hated chores), and I was like "oh god, I've been doing this forever, let me make sure I put the timer on!". I had been doing it for 14 minutes.
I rely on music and podcasts for tasks like this, and sometimes tell myself “at least through the next song” but if the song is good I usually keep going 🙃
I don’t have a diagnosis of any kind, but I do suspect I am neurodivergent in some way. I’ve also realized that most of my friends are neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD and/or intellectually gifted). What I’ve noticed the most is that I cannot do the exact same job forever like most people around me do. Every two years I feel I am done and I need something new, I get incredibly restless and even depressed if I don’t move forward. I’ve changed jobs, cities and fields several times. Now I am about to start my PhD and I hope being in research gives me enough room to switch projects from time to time so I don’t feel stuck. I have felt something is wrong with me forever because of this constant need to change and evolve, but I am learning to be more compassionate with myself.
Research can be a great way to keep that variety going - and also some autonomy, in some respects. I sometimes wish I'd stuck with psychology as it could have given me more of that long-term. But when you've had enough as an ADHDer, you've had enough! Great to hear you are finding the self-compassion. I believe the drive to change and evolve is a wonderful thing, just misplaced in our skewed-values society.
I believe is a good thing too, but difficult to sustain with our economy and job market as they are. I am a big believer in following my intuition with important decisions, but I’ve realized my gut doesn’t care about capitalism, and that’s why some of my choices seem a bit chaotic to other people. For me it makes sense, but for certain social expectations I guess I seem a little nutty. However, realizing I might be neurodivergent has taken some of the pressure off, like it’s ok to think and feel differently about my priorities and life choices.
I’ve been developing this concept called People Based Learning and sharing with others for insights. One reaction I’ve received a few times is where is nature in this concept? Your post just opened something up for me. You talk about going into nature and spending time with trees as almost a processing space. Sometimes our processing, our durable, sticky, personalized learning happens in connection with other living things, not always with other people. Thank you for your words and your examples here.
Ooh, I love your way of putting this. A processing space - yes! Everything makes more sense when I'm with trees. Similar when I've moved my body and danced. You're welcome - and thank you for engaging and sharing.
Not having a grasp on the social networking phenomenon is so real, ugh. I've always been terrible at, so I would avoid it. Now, I don't have much to lose, so time to start shamelessly plugging. Talk about your work everywhere!! I don't give a hoot about having hubris anymore.
I recently fell into the career path of Nannying! It feels like i’m participating in a long tradition of autistic caregivers. Despite the over-stimulating parts: loud noises, lots of physical touch, and parks full of kids, i’m finding it to be incredibly natural. It’s been HUGE for my energy to nanny part-time and supplement my money with 1-off babysitting nights. I’m not gonna get rich but i am going to pay my bills and have enough of me to enjoy my time outside of work.
Wow! In reading this and so many of the comments, it feels so great to know that my struggles are real and SHARED and that others have found ways to make it manageable! You are an inspiration! ❤️
I didn't realize demand avoidance was a thing until you mentioned it. I have ADHD and struggle with the same thing! It doesn't matter if what I have to do is enjoyable enough-having something to complete makes me really, really not want to do it, and focusing on that thing when I force myself to sit down is even harder. I find that I can really lock in on things when I'm doing something else. I work on editing or writing books for the longest when I have homework. I study for tests when I need to work. I work when I need to write or edit. I suddenly want to watch TV when I'm reading and vice versa. Thank you so much for pointing this out!
I have never felt so seen by a substack post in my entire life. This has helped me so immensely in discovering who I am, especially now in my 40s and dealing with perimenopause.
Life feels so overwhelming to me even those things like laundry and dishes can set me over the edge. And I don't feel that anyone has ever really gotten it, really understood me until I read these very words. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you
Related so much to this, from the hyperlexic, overachieving childhood that would OF COURSE translate to career success later on, followed by consistent burnout and a scattered CV that could be five pages long if I let it, the desire to run to the trees to escape human demands, the way maternity leave brought a feeling of relief at not having a boss or job to go to...
I've usually had a couple different jobs at once to dilute the boredom, and sandwiching unpleasant tasks with dopamine is a must (or working in pretty environments with good music). I've also found going to the library is key for getting stuff done, having a third space with other people working and no external pressure is key, but ultimately I think without regular vacation and frequent change, the burnout is inevitable
Thank you for calling 4-5 hours a full work day. Honestly, people in “regular jobs” probably don’t have more daily productivity in them anyway.
I quit corporate life nine years ago to work independently after countless burnouts. Then came menopause and complete loss of direction, followed by ADD evaluation and diagnosis at age 58. It’s never too late.
It's never too late indeed! And the whole 8 hour thing is such a farce. My partner works from home officially 8 hours a day but I see what it REALLY is and how much flexibility and coffee there is within that ;) Sounds like you've been through a multi-layered, complex journey - thank you for sharing.
Yes! 4 to 5 hours is a full work day. Thank you for normalizing this.
Felt like I was reading an article that someone had written to call me out personally. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in this exact experience 😂🩷
Brilliant! Thanks for sharing and engaging.
Same here!
Yes, I feel you... I've accepted that full time work is not possible for me either. And totally with you on the superpower/ disability thing.
Valuable insights, thankyou. Making rent can be the pressure that undoes it all, and even though I am communicating this on this highly literate platform, if one doesn't get through a university degree one most often remains a juggler of low paid work, no matter their multipotecy. A patchwork of piecemeal paid work under highly physically demanding conditions with low social status and no future outlook for " progression " becomes an accumulation of burdens and burnout that nobody should be expected to be able to turnaround alone. Please, everybody, can we not forget about the lower classes and the barriers to living well with neurodivergence that are structural. Can we not ONLY personalise and individualise our capacity to live well but also continue to recognise the class barriers that are as brutal as normie conditioning?
This is a wonderful piece that I will share. Thanks again. 👍🙂
Absolutely re the pressure to make rent - I am so fortunate to have circumstances such as living in a country where I can get support with my rent due to my disabilities. And the gig economy is SO hard on us. I couldn't agree more about including the societal aspects in any discussion of these issues. It is NOT an individual "problem". Thank you for reading, engaging and sharing!
God I can see so much of me in your words, Morgana, thank you. This is *such* a validating and useful read - I’ve noted down a few things to help me. The multiple projects situation is really getting me at the moment, especially when I have v little energy and I’m struggling executive function wise. It feels cruel to have a brain that needs a lot going on but also doesn’t know how to manage things that are running parallel to one another! x
Thank you Sophie! Indeed, it's a paradox I often grapple with...
I have ADHD (I have some traits of ASD, like sensory issues, but those are common in folks with ADHD too so who knows), and I am LIVING by timers.
One of my worst issues is time blindness. I will think I have been at a task for hours, when really, 20 minutes has gone by. But if I do something fun like painting or playing a video game, 20 minutes feels like two seconds.
I set a timer now on my phone for 20 minutes. This is for shit I hate like folding laundry, cleaning bathrooms, etc. My rule is that I have to do the task until the timer goes off. Let me tell you, that was ILLUMINATING. The other day, I was putting clothes away (one of my most hated chores), and I was like "oh god, I've been doing this forever, let me make sure I put the timer on!". I had been doing it for 14 minutes.
I rely on music and podcasts for tasks like this, and sometimes tell myself “at least through the next song” but if the song is good I usually keep going 🙃
I'm putting on music a lot lately when doing dishes - it really helps :)
Love the timer tip! Thanks.
I don’t have a diagnosis of any kind, but I do suspect I am neurodivergent in some way. I’ve also realized that most of my friends are neurodivergent (autistic, ADHD and/or intellectually gifted). What I’ve noticed the most is that I cannot do the exact same job forever like most people around me do. Every two years I feel I am done and I need something new, I get incredibly restless and even depressed if I don’t move forward. I’ve changed jobs, cities and fields several times. Now I am about to start my PhD and I hope being in research gives me enough room to switch projects from time to time so I don’t feel stuck. I have felt something is wrong with me forever because of this constant need to change and evolve, but I am learning to be more compassionate with myself.
Research can be a great way to keep that variety going - and also some autonomy, in some respects. I sometimes wish I'd stuck with psychology as it could have given me more of that long-term. But when you've had enough as an ADHDer, you've had enough! Great to hear you are finding the self-compassion. I believe the drive to change and evolve is a wonderful thing, just misplaced in our skewed-values society.
I believe is a good thing too, but difficult to sustain with our economy and job market as they are. I am a big believer in following my intuition with important decisions, but I’ve realized my gut doesn’t care about capitalism, and that’s why some of my choices seem a bit chaotic to other people. For me it makes sense, but for certain social expectations I guess I seem a little nutty. However, realizing I might be neurodivergent has taken some of the pressure off, like it’s ok to think and feel differently about my priorities and life choices.
Totally resonate with all of this!
I’ve been developing this concept called People Based Learning and sharing with others for insights. One reaction I’ve received a few times is where is nature in this concept? Your post just opened something up for me. You talk about going into nature and spending time with trees as almost a processing space. Sometimes our processing, our durable, sticky, personalized learning happens in connection with other living things, not always with other people. Thank you for your words and your examples here.
Ooh, I love your way of putting this. A processing space - yes! Everything makes more sense when I'm with trees. Similar when I've moved my body and danced. You're welcome - and thank you for engaging and sharing.
I find nature and especially trees very grounding. I like to follow the Pagan Wheel of the Year to keep in touch with nature. I find it very calming.
whew nothing like the precocious reader —> AuDHD adult pipeline
Absolutely!
Not having a grasp on the social networking phenomenon is so real, ugh. I've always been terrible at, so I would avoid it. Now, I don't have much to lose, so time to start shamelessly plugging. Talk about your work everywhere!! I don't give a hoot about having hubris anymore.
Love that you're embracing that! Yes to celebrating what we have to offer and sharing it.
I recently fell into the career path of Nannying! It feels like i’m participating in a long tradition of autistic caregivers. Despite the over-stimulating parts: loud noises, lots of physical touch, and parks full of kids, i’m finding it to be incredibly natural. It’s been HUGE for my energy to nanny part-time and supplement my money with 1-off babysitting nights. I’m not gonna get rich but i am going to pay my bills and have enough of me to enjoy my time outside of work.
Wow, fascinating that nannying was a fit ! I love that you found what works for you.
Wow! In reading this and so many of the comments, it feels so great to know that my struggles are real and SHARED and that others have found ways to make it manageable! You are an inspiration! ❤️
It's so great to hear that it landed with you this way! Thank you. Indeed, we are not alone 🥰
I didn't realize demand avoidance was a thing until you mentioned it. I have ADHD and struggle with the same thing! It doesn't matter if what I have to do is enjoyable enough-having something to complete makes me really, really not want to do it, and focusing on that thing when I force myself to sit down is even harder. I find that I can really lock in on things when I'm doing something else. I work on editing or writing books for the longest when I have homework. I study for tests when I need to work. I work when I need to write or edit. I suddenly want to watch TV when I'm reading and vice versa. Thank you so much for pointing this out!
Thanks for sharing, Hannah. This is so relatable!
I have never felt so seen by a substack post in my entire life. This has helped me so immensely in discovering who I am, especially now in my 40s and dealing with perimenopause.
Life feels so overwhelming to me even those things like laundry and dishes can set me over the edge. And I don't feel that anyone has ever really gotten it, really understood me until I read these very words. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you
Wow! Thanks, Sam. I'm touched by your feedback. 100 % with laundry and dishes! You're so welcome.
Related so much to this, from the hyperlexic, overachieving childhood that would OF COURSE translate to career success later on, followed by consistent burnout and a scattered CV that could be five pages long if I let it, the desire to run to the trees to escape human demands, the way maternity leave brought a feeling of relief at not having a boss or job to go to...
I've usually had a couple different jobs at once to dilute the boredom, and sandwiching unpleasant tasks with dopamine is a must (or working in pretty environments with good music). I've also found going to the library is key for getting stuff done, having a third space with other people working and no external pressure is key, but ultimately I think without regular vacation and frequent change, the burnout is inevitable
Thank you, Nikita, for reading and sharing your experiences. I totally agree re the burnout prevention!
Why do we ALWAYS get stuffed in some windowless room...I just wrote a similar-in-some-ways piece! Feel this big time.
Yes, this! I'll have a look at your post - have just subscribed.
Literally my first corporate job out of college we were all packed into a windowless room all making phone calls. My brain was SO overstimulated
Oof, it's insane how we survived it, right?