Why I get more done on a sick day and other mysteries
flowing with demand avoidance
Welcome to “(Not Always) Neurosparkly: Monday Musings & Meanderings”, where I explore a theme from my recent experience as an AuDHDer, chronic illness warrior and trauma survivor.
I had to trick myself to write this post. My demand avoidance was in full flow, not surprising since I’ve committed to writing these posts on a weekly basis. For my autistic side: discipline, momentum and hyperfocus = yay! For my ADHD side: consistency = what?
Noticing my resistance, I told myself I would write for only a few minutes and then go for a walk. I wrote 1200 words of an essay that, it soon became apparent, wasn’t destined for this weekly post. But I enjoyed it and was still there an hour later, moving on to make a start on this post (and wondering if the walk would ever happen). A day later, I’m writing while I’m supposed to be packing for a 5-day trip tomorrow.
This is typical.
Before we dive in, here are a few words about demand avoidance, in case you’re less familiar with the term.
Demand avoidance, and on the further end of the spectrum, Pathological Demand Avoidance, sometimes renamed as Persistent or Pervasive Drive for Autonomy, is a strong aversion to demands that is associated with both ADHD and autism. Although more research is needed to explore this connection, A 2020 study found that ADHD was a better predictor of PDA than autism.
Neurodiversity researcher Janae Elisabeth describes PDA as a threat response from the nervous system from birth, distinguishing it from demand avoidance which can be triggered by certain circumstances such as boredom, fear, overwhelm, sensory aversion, social anxiety or learning difficulties. I’m still questioning whether or not I am PDA or just DA.
What’s most frustrating is when demand avoidance comes in for things we actually want to do, like our hobbies or creative pursuits. This is the area I’ve been working on most lately, as a singer-songwriter and essay writer, poet and author. Although 9 times out of 10 I love the feeling of actually doing it, it can feel like a major achievement to spend an hour or two a week working on my music, and I know I need to be doing a lot more to progress in this field.
I’ve explored my relationship to demand avoidance in relation to ADHD before, and my explorations are ongoing, like most things neurodivergence-related.
Here’s what I’ve noticed about the surprising ways my demand avoidance operates, and some workarounds I’ve discovered.
Read on to find out why my demand avoidance can be triggered even by resting, and to explore seven ways that I work with my DA.